Toma

P/S: Here’s another mail i’ve post for jansen on answering his lonesome.

Hi dude,
Tried to post u a comment on ur blog, but it didnt seems to work so well.
So i guess, it will be the same for me to type a few words here. Well, the only different is.. u’re the only reader (Pityful)

From
my point of view, i see a philosophy that no one does. Life is always
bitter, and dont u ever wonder why? Baby came into this world with wet
eyes..sob like hell and being self pity they were sent to this humanity
world that out of control. So consider this is the biggest issue in ur
life, since u’re not the only baby who came with tears.. why not accept
and see it on a positive side. Such as, smoking doesnt means bad
health.. it heals curiousity and tension ( thou u wont got a chance to
see the fact from a doctor..but believe me, u know it once u slip on ur
first stick - HAHA) just kidding! Take it easy, i m not encouraging u
to smoke on cigarattes.. just an example. God knows i love alcohol, but
i m putting on less smoke and drink nowadays. Going for a better living
and lifestyle, leading a simple life is my next destinations.

Life
is never easy.. life is always short..life is life, life seems to be
everything u could ever imagine. I had gone tru times where i felt the
lonelyness that i couldn’t bear with, and sour heart that never been
any better. But life is still there, yet another day passed, a month
then a year. I’m having my usual hectic life, and of cos it bored me
lots ( i mean alot!) i’m thinking of resigning and look for a peaceful
place to settle down for a while before i could set my planning to step
into the hall of frame. Enter into competitions and win severals names
to futher more.

Love life can never be peaceful. Guess u know
that right. But everything consider stable than last time, and i m glad
i made the right decisions to stay on and earn or..better say..i
deserve it.

This is a very simple yet sincere mail from me to my friend. Hope that after he/she read this email..will understand the reason why i seems to be disappear for a while.

Dear friend,

It’s been some time since we last meet.
You are right, we havent see
each or manage to catch up or hang out a lil bit..but thats doesnt mean
we’re down to the road of end. Sometimes you just have to know, end is
end..but it’s endless friendship. Things can be wrong and people can
make mistake, we can always take away things we dont want..but it’s
never easy to take away the bond of a true friend.
I once told you
before, or i put it in my blog ( i forget) that true friend is someone
who caught up in jail with you yet saying " hey i like it here " with
smiling face. I know it’s hard for us to cope up and we’re never like
what we used to anymore as we grow and we follow our own path. Once we
had our own family, we might even lost a friend, but remind urself..u
kept the memories. You see, i once read a book about wife that being
lonesome and had an affair. Guess u never knew, because they thought
that were in love wif another men. Which is not true. Because they
desperate for care and love from others. But men are different, they
take women as their hunt for sex.
it kept me thinking for the entire day.
As
in, what you say.. did i step out of our friendship? And while i was
trying to reply, a tears..then a smile come right tru my looking eyes.
I thought .. this is an answer

I’ve been dignosed with the
illness hormone in-balance. The sickness is bad, i had heavy mentrual
flow which i need to take pills and injections to control and stop my
period. I never notice the seriousness of this illness untill there
were times whereby i couldnt walk from bathroom to my room to
change..cause blood driping all the way non stop. I used alot of
sanitary pad everyday and as a matter of fact,i lost plenty of blood
and got hospitalize for more than 3times.
My sickness cause me a lot
of trouble on my daily life, i couldn’t sleep as the medicine i take is
activating my cell, i suffer from pills side effect that makes me vomit
and dizzy everyday.

I dont have any choice but to work harder,
not only on my mon to fri basis..but i have to work on sat and sunday
aswell. You might never know why. Let me tell you, i’ve attended a
specialist to heal my sickness. Consultations, medications,blood and
urine test, ultrasound and orogon test and all of this cost me more
than rm380 each time i visited the doctor.
Money is one thing,
another thing is the pain from injections on my bone and blood test. I
almost cried each time i took injection.

I dont have time for myself, and when i’m free and doing nothing on that day.. i knew.. i was in hospital.

For
the past few months ago, i couldnt control my anger. I get angry very
easily and hard to calm down or keep cool. I tend to be moody all the
time and sometimes i scream like a mad girl when i feel nervous. I
notice the changement of my behavior and senses. I lost control. I m
not calm anymore.
I even hurt myself when i feel sad and stress.
I’ve ask doctor for advise and she said it’s link to my illness.
Hormone inbalance is actually the base of mental and pyscologist
problem.
I thought, man.. i was mad.
But slowly..i get to know
and understand better of my illness. I think sometimes i m not capable
to hide anymore. Maybe i’ve been too calm n quiet whenever i m sad, so
it’s all kept up lock hard in my heart.

Anthon is taking care of me well.
He bear with me all the time and shower me with love. He never fail to make me smile whenever i need him to.
Love life is still peaceful, thank god.

Cheers,
Berry.